“- Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.
- Judge Elihu Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”
Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan
Ted Knight - Judge Elihu Smails

“- Judy Witwicky: Look at this place! I feel smarter already! Can you smell that?
- Ron Witwicky: Yeah, smells like $40,000 a year.”

Julie White - Judy Witwicky
Kevin Dunn - Ron Witwicky

“I'll forgive him when I go to college. That's when I'll forgive him. I can't go, can I? Because he took all the money out of my college fund, and bought Mexican black tar with it. And you're asking me to forgive this guy. No way.”

Shia LaBeouf - Kelly Ernswiler

“For me, college wasn't a breeze. I had 8 o'clock classes, I worked from 3 to 11 at the Settlement House. On weekends, if Northwestern Bell needed me, I'd troubleshoot for them, and I had a steady girl. God!”
Henry Fonda

“- Panhandler: You got any spare change brother?
- Lucky: Hell no. you'll end up drinking it up. But I can give you a stamp so you can mail your ass a job application.”
Michael Colyar - Panhandler
2Pac - Lucky