“- Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
- Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.”
Jennifer Aniston - Rachel Green
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“- Kid: I wished for a purple elephant, but now I want a pink elephant!
- Willie: Wish in one hand, shit in the other; see which one fills up first.”
Brett Kelly - Kid
Billy Bob Thornton - Willie

“- Abby: It's... Charlie.
- Santa Claus: Sheen? I thought he straightened out?
- Abby: Not that Charlie.
- Santa Claus: My Charlie. My son Charlie? He's on the naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.”

Danielle Woodman - Abby
Tim Allen - Santa Claus

“- Maurice Doyle: Daddy, where's the carriages?
- Desmond Doyle: Santa was a bit strapped for cash this year. Costs a lot of money to feed those elves, you know.”

Hugh McDonagh - Maurice Doyle
Pierce Brosnan - Desmond Doyle

“You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.”
Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister