“- Charlie Mortdecai: What is in it for me, as they say?
- Inspector Martland: Do it for Queen and country.
- Charlie Mortdecai: No! ... All right, Queen and country, travel and living expenses, reasonable overhead.
- Inspector Martland: Done!”

Johnny Depp - Mortdecai
Ewan Gordon McGregor - Martland

“- Xian Chow: Revenge is a dangerous motive.
- Kurt Sloane: It’s also a powerful one.”
Dennis Chan - Xian Chow
Jean-Claude Van Damme - Kurt Sloane

“You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are. Won't let go of one branch until they've got a grip on the next!”
Dougray Scott - Sean Ambrose

“- Maître D': Today we have, for appetizers moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux, that's leek tart, frogs' legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd, c’est à dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom. It's very delicate, very subtle.
- Mr. Creosote: I'll have the lot.”
John Marwood Cleese - Maître D'
Terry Jones - Mr. Creosote

“I'm gonna go out in this world and get everything I can get. I mean, I'm gonna be rich, super rich. I mean, I'm gonna be spending money like a chimp in a beat-off contest.”
David Cross - Ronnie Dobbs