“It had not been edifying, indeed not, being in this hellhole and human zoo for two years now, being kicked and tolchocked by brutal warders, and meeting leering criminals and perverts, ready to dribble all over a luscious young malchick like your storyteller.”
Malcom McDowell - Alex (A Clockwork Orange)

“- Hospital Administrator: What are you doing this morning?
- Obstetrician: It's a birth.
- Hospital Administrator: And what sort of thing is that?
- Dr. Spencer: Well, that's where we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.
- Hospital Administrator: Wonderful what we can do nowadays.”
Michael Palin - Hospital Administrator
Graham Arthur Chapman - Obstetrician
Graham Arthur Chapman - Dr. Spencer

“Why would I shoot a bloke, then drive him to the bloody car and wizz him off to the hospital at a hundred miles an hour? It defeats the purpose of having shot him in the first place.”
Eric Bana - Mark Brandon 'Chopper' Read

“GSW: that's what the hospitals call it: gunshot wound. Doctor has to report it to the police. That makes it hard for guys in my line to get what I call, quality health care.”
Mel Gibson - Porter

“- Richard Clark: Well, Julie I hoped you learned a valuable lesson from this.
- Julie Rubels: Oh, yes. Basically as far as vasectomies go, never use the home kit.”

Jon Lovitz - Richard Clark
Natasha Gregson Wagner - Julie Rubels