“- Sgt. Botnick: The Romans invented the military cut. You know why?
- Andy Barclay: Why?
- Sgt. Botnick: To keep their hair short, so their enemies couldn't grab a hold of it in battle and slit their throat.”
Andrew Robinson - Sergeant Botnick
Justin Whalin - Andy Barclay

“A wise general always leaves the road open for retreat.”

Frankie Thomas - Ted Nickerson

“I will slap you man! I will slap the hell outta you. You don't know who you messing with. I don't even know when I'm gonna slap somebody. My reflexes just slap people.”
Chris Tucker - Franklin Hatchett

“- Roy O'Bannon: That diamond is as big as a damn monkey's paw.
- Chon Wang: Don't even think about it.
- Roy O'Bannon: Just admiring the craftsmanship.”

Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang

“- Max Devlin: A weird thing just happened, there's this mirror behind the cashier...
- Barney Satin: You're one of us now. Inhabitants of Hell cast no reflection.”
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin