“- Lee Harvey: Is your old lady happy?
- Lieutenant Gerke: Is my old lady happy?
- Lee Harvey: Yeah, because if your fuckin' is anything like your police work then you couldn't hit the G-spot on a twelve pound pussy.”
Mongo Brownlee - Lee Harvey
Chris Cooper - Lieutenant Gerke

“When you're a detective and a man comes to see you, it's usually about his wife.”

Milo Parker - Roger
Sir Ian McKellen - Sherlock Holmes

“- Sergeant Vincente: You're not out of here in 30 seconds, you got a night in jail!
- Billy Caufield: What kind of bonehead cop would send four confessed mental patients back out in the streets?”
Brad Sullivan - Sergeant Vincente
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“- Gianelli: I'm a police officer. Drop the gun!
- Billy Caufield: I'm a mental patient. I'm not impressed.
- Gianelli: You're not this crazy, are you?
- Billy Caufield: Actually, this is my idea of a good time.”
James Remar - Gianelli
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“He's got you on a pedestal and me in his arms.”
Cameron Diaz - Kimberly Wallace