“- Guard #2: She's dead.
- Hector Gomez: Hell, she isn't dead. This doctor shot her up with sodium pentothal to make this fellow think she was dead. So you wouldn't suck the blood outta her, you bastard.”

Joel Levine - Guard #2
Robert Beltran - Hector Gomez

“- J. Worthington Foulfellow: There is only one cure! A vacation! On Pleasure Island!
- Pinocchio: Pleasure Island?
- J. Worthington Foulfellow: Yes! That happy land of carefree boys where everyday's a holiday!”

Walter Catlett - J. Worthington Foulfellow
Dickie Jones - Pinocchio

“Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of.”

Everett Sloane - Mr. Bernstein

“- Willa Weston: What are you doing?
- Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
- Willa Weston: Why?
- Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.”
Jamie Lee Curtis - Willa Weston
Kevin Kline - Vince McCain

“- Ronald Camp: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ace. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
- Ace Ventura: Be sure that you do! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed!”
Udo Kerr - Ronald Camp
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura