“I must congratulate you on your virtuoso performance, my boy. Centauri is impressed. I've seen them come, and I've seen them go, but you're the best, my boy. Dazzling! Light years ahead of the competition! Centauri's got a little proposition for you. Are ya interested?”

Robert Preston - Centauri

“I'll tell you this: the only performance that makes it, that really makes it, that makes it all the way, is the one that achieves madness. Right? Am I right? You with me?”
Mick Jagger - Turner

“- Rudy Zolteck: How'd I do, coach?
- Kevin O'Shea: I don't know son. I don't have a sundial.”

Michael Zwiener - Rudy Zolteck
Ed O'Neill - Kevin O'Shea

“You didn't land it.”

Ryan Dunn - himself

“Bam just took a golden dildo up his ass at high speeds. That's what happened.”
Manny Puig - himself