- Jeff Dunham: Walter, what exactly is marriage to you?
- Walter: It's like drinking a slurpy.
- Jeff Dunham: A slurpy.
- Walter: First couple of sips, it's like "boy this is really good! I'm glad I did this!". Then you keep drinking, it goes right to your head, and you go "ow, ow, ooooow! What the hell was I thinking? Someone kill me please!".
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- Barnaby: Do you regret not having married him?
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Look who's talking! What about Elvira Bliss?
- Barnaby: Oh, for heaven's sake. Elvira Bliss. That was in grammar school.
- Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I know. She was the teacher.”
Cary Grant - Dr. Barnaby Fulton
Ginger Rogers - Mrs. Edwina Fulton

“- Father McKenna: I know a lot of people who have been married for years and they are still having second thoughts.
- Amy Jensen: That's encouraging.
- Father McKenna: But they should have never been married to begin with. They just made bad decisions and picked incompatible mates.”
John Bottoms - Father McKenna
Caitlin O'Heaney - Amy Jensen

“I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything. I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs. I've played baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean. What is there left for me but marriage?”
Margaret Lockwood - Iris Henderson