“- Jack Putter: How do you treat that?
- Dr. Greenbush: Well the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire. I have no idea what the current technique is.”

Martin Hayter Short - Jack Putter
William Schallert - Dr. Greenbush

“- Therapist: Why do you come to see me every week?
- Kate: My boss said she'd fire me if I didn't get therapy.
- Therapist: Why do you think, she thinks you need therapy? Why?
- Kate: You know what, I haven't the faintest idea.”
Bob Balaban - Therapist
Catherine Zeta-Jones - Kate

“- Abe: I'm glad you came, doctor. Maybe you can tell me what's wrong with my hand - it's been like this for a month.
- Lisa: Have you tried soaking it in melted butter?”
Alan King - Abe
JoBeth Williams - Lisa

“I had the chicken pox when Herbert Hoover was in the White House.”
Marian Seldes - Mrs. Hess

“- J. Worthington Foulfellow: There is only one cure! A vacation! On Pleasure Island!
- Pinocchio: Pleasure Island?
- J. Worthington Foulfellow: Yes! That happy land of carefree boys where everyday's a holiday!”

Walter Catlett - J. Worthington Foulfellow
Dickie Jones - Pinocchio