“- Steffi: Over the years I often wondered what would have happened if we stayed together.
- Joe: That's something we never gonna know. We've managed to produce a fabulous daughter though. She got your looks, fortunately, and my... magic personality.”
Goldie Hawn - Steffi
Woody Allen - Joe

“- Cliff: You don't seem like the princess bed type to me.
- Tiger: Bad marriage. She took our daughter.”
Ronald Francis Perlman - Cliff
Tom Wood - Tiger

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- John Harris, Sr.: Oh by the way, I'm coming to pick up my kids on Saturday.
- Bernadine Harris: Yeah? If I hear you had 'em anywhere near that tramp bitch, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life!”
Michael Beach - John Harris, Sr.
Angela Bassett - Bernadine Harris

“- Freddy Nefler: You'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.
- Phyllis Nefler: Thank you, Phil Donahue.
- Freddy Nefler: I saw it on Oprah!”
Craig T. Nelson - Freddy Nefler
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler