“She may be your wife but I stick my ding-a-ling in her every night, so that makes her mine.”
Baha Jackson - Young Doughboy

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?
- Paul Vitti: I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?
- Paul Vitti: No.”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Why do you have a girlfriend?
- Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?
- Paul Vitti: That's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“- Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan: I'm sleeping with my wife's two sisters.
- Roger Murtaugh: You lucky sonofabitch.
- Martin Riggs: Good for you, Uncle Benny.
- Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan: Not so good when my wife finds out.”

Kim Chan - Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan
Danny Glover - Roger Murtaugh
Mel Gibson - Martin Riggs

“- Bradley, Physical Therapist: My brother was married. One day he came home, found out she was cheating.
- Henry Turner: Cheating?
- Bradley, Physical Therapist: Doin' the serious with another man.”
Bill Nunn - Bradley, Physical Therapist
Harrison Ford - Henry Turner