“Contrary to popular New York myth, the 'Times' is not omniscient.”
Jeremy Piven - Dean Kansky

“Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Karl Childers

“I need a reporter. And you'll do local car wrecks. Take the picture, write the story. We run a front-page photo of a car wreck every week whether or not we actually have a car wreck. Now, there's a knack for taking photos that make you feel something. If there's a dark patch on the ground it reads blood whether it's motor oil or Diet Coke.”
Scott Glenn - Jack Buggit

“- Marion Sandusky: You made my wife cry when she reads the paper.
- Michael McDougal: At least she bought it, didn't she?”
Jason Alexander - Marion Sandusky
Randy Quaid - Michael McDougal

“You ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?”

Joel Murray - George Calamari