“This is the crowning moment of my retired life and I’m not going to throw it away like the evening trash.”
Walter Matthau - Mr. George Wilson

- "Sleepy" Bill Burns: Eddie's gettin' too old for this. I know what it's like. You walk out there with your arm hangin.
- Billy Maharg: You couldn't pitch when you was young, Burnsie.
- "Sleepy" Bill Burns: Eddie's the key. If we don't get him, we can forget about it.

Chris Lloyd - "Sleepy" Bill Burns
Richard Edson - Billy Maharg

“- Louis Prima: Tell us all, we'd all like to know, why do you think you'd only hit .290?
- Ty Cobb: Well, I'm 72 fucking years old you ignorant son of a bitch.”

Eloy Casados - Louis Prima
Tommy Lee Jones - Ty Cobb

“Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.”
George Burns

“- Butler: Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Really? You seem so young.”
Paul Benedict - Butler
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr