“- Sinead Mulligan: Now it can be revealed. I have very small breasts.
- Gerry Boyle: That's okay, I have a very small penis.”
Sarah Greene - Sinead Mulligan
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle

“Sometimes I got so bored of trying to touch her breast that I would try to touch her between her legs. It was like trying to borrow a dollar, getting turned down, and asking for 50 grand instead.”

John Cusack - Rob Gordon

“- Det. Hazeltine: So DeCosta represents your father, and you scarf all of this junk food to fulfill an oral longing for your mother's breasts, which incidentally are 70% fat.
- Det. Barzak: That's great, Frank. First, you ruin food for me; now you gotta ruin tits.”
Billy Dee Williams - Det. Hazeltine
Robert Carradine - Det. Barzak

“- Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: It was an accident.
- Carol Heathrow: An accident?
- Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: Carol, seriously, it was an accident. I swear to God.
- Carol Heathrow: An accident? Your thing just got into a box of popcorn?”
Mickey Rourke - Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell
Colette Blonigan - Carol Heathrow

“- Frank: You don't have that problem, pal?
- Walter: Which problem?
- Frank: With your cucumber.
- Walter: I don't eat cucumbers, I always eat these bacon sandwiches.”
Richard Harris - Frank
Robert Duvall - Walter