- Dr. Evil: Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C. I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. That is, unless, of course, you pay me one hundred billion dollars.
- The President: Dr. Evil, this is 1969! That amount of money doesn't even exist. That's like saying, "I want a kajillion bajillion dollars".
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil
Tim Robbins - The President

“- Steiner: Dr Land.
- Dr Land: Yes?
- Steiner: The money is all here. Every dollar.
- Dr Land: I'd be surprised if it weren't.”
Hugh O'Brian - Steiner
Dean Jagger - Dr. Land

“- Alvin: Let me get this straight, the offer is a million dollars, or you kill me.
- Bristol: Correct.
- Alvin: You know, a million dollars ain't what it used to be, with taxes.”
Jamie Foxx - Alvin
Doug Hutchison - Bristol

“- Shad: Accordin' to the Wall St. Journal we got here the hottest selling yogurt in the country. I bring this in, say my hair fell out from the shock. Boom! They pay off big time. My lawyer thinks it's a genius idea.
- Erin Grant: Your lawyer has an office over a video store.
- Shad: Call me a dreamer. I don't wanna be a bouncer forever.”

Ving Rhames - Shad
Demi Moore - Erin Grant

“- Hank: What about, uh... What was her name? Carrie Richards? She liked you even though you were a broke dick.
- Jacob: Oh, her. Yeah. That was a whole different deal. That was... her friends, they pitched in 100 bucks altogether and bet her that she wouldn't go steady with me for a month.”
Bill Paxton - Hank
Billy Bob Thornton - Jacob