- Stuart Mackenzie: We both said "I do", and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
- May Mackenzie: That's true!
- Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.
Mike Myers - Stuart Mackenzie
Brenda Fricker - May Mackenzie

“- Howard D. Doyle: I love you. I trust you.
- Miles Massey: It's the pre-nup. Brilliant.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Howard D. Doyle
George Clooney - Miles

“- Angela Stone: I think it's wonderful that Martha and Bill have a marriage contract that spells out everything. I wish we had a contract.
- Sam Stone: You mean like who takes out the garbage? That kind of everything?
- Bill: Every kind of everything. How often, who starts it, everything.”
Nita Talbot - Angela
Bill Macy - Sam
Sam Chew Jr. - Bill

“- Max Burdett: The first diamond I've ever bought. I love you, Lola Cirillo. Marry me.
- Lola Cirillo: On one condition.
- Max Burdett: Anything.
- Lola Cirillo: I want the receipt.”
Pierce Brosnan - Max Burdett
Salma Hayek - Lola Cirillo

“- Diego Rivera: Thank you.
- Frida Kahlo: For what?
- Diego Rivera: For making a fat, old, crazy Communist a happy man.”
Alfred Molina - Diego Rivera
Salma Hayek - Frida Kahlo