“- Stewardess: Pardon me. Would you like chicken Kiev, Chateaubriand or veal cutlet Florentine for lunch?
- Renfield: Everything you mentioned is dead. Don't you have anything that's alive and kicking?”
Judy Penrod - Stewardess
Arte Johnson - Renfield

“- Vada Sultenfuss: Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing: cancer. I'm dying.
- Harry Sultenfuss: [making a sandwich] Okay, sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.”
Anna Chlumsky - Vada Sultenfuss
Dan Aykroyd - Harry Sultenfuss

“- Richard Temple: Wise man. Oysters can kill, you know.
- Durward Lely: Oh, unquestionably!
- Richard Temple: I had an aunt, choked on a scallop at Herne Bay.
- Durward Lely: Really?
- Richard Temple: Tragic.”

Timothy Spall - Richard Temple
Kevin McKidd - Durward Lely

“My doctor was right. Doughnuts will be the death of me.”

John Ritter - Roy Knable

“Nothing like a stiff to make me crave Chinese food!”

Kenneth McMillan - Frank Crotty