- Captain Woods: This job is destroying me... you know how old I am?
- Ashburn: Um.. 58.
- Captain Woods: I'm 43-years-old. I have a five-year-old son who calls me "Grampa".
Thomas F. Wilson - Captain Woods
Sandra Bullock - Ashburn

“- Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
- The Narrator: ...Consumers?
- Tyler Durden: Right. We are consumers. We're the by-products of a lifestyle obsession.”
Brad Pitt - Tyler Durden
Edward Norton - The Narrator

“He knows it took billions of years to put it there, and taking it out at the rate we're going, there won't be any oil left in the good U.S.A.”

Spencer Tracy - Square John Sand

Well, there were these two old boys and they hung their peckers off a bridge to piss. One old boy from California, the other from Arkansas. The old boy from California says "Boy, this water's cold", and the old boy from Arkansas says "Yeah, and it's deep too". Get it?
Rick Dial - Bill Cox

“- Jamie, Red Feather: Where are you from, Mars?
- Cleo Plendor: Worse. Beverly Hills.”
Tori Spelling - Jamie, Red Feather
Dinah Lacey - Cleo Plendor