“- Rob: This is the Governor's wife!
- Deke Halliday: You mean she's not the hooker?
- Baxter: I told you not to wear those heels, darling.”
Dennis Dugan - Rob
Dick Shawn - Deke Halliday
Sir Michael Caine - Baxter

“- Sally: Where did you come from?
- The Cat: Hm… How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
- Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from?
- The Cat: My place, what do you think?”
Dakota Fanning - Sally
Mike Myers - The Cat
Spencer Breslin - Conrad

- Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
- J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
- Gary: No, dickhead - sex.
A.D. Miles - Gary
Zak Orth - J.J.

“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun

“- Nun: Have you ever been down the Yellow River?
- Leon: ...Yea, once in the '80s but I did not enjoy it...”
Joan Messiah - Nun
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps