“- Lt. Frank Drebin: She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
- Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“- Madison Bell: It's nice to finally meet your mother.
- Ben Cronin: What do you mean finally? You just met me.”
Erika Christensen - Madison Bell
Jesse Bradford - Ben Cronin

“Excuse me, but can I have my mom back?”
Tracey Fairaway - Ellen

“- Heather Aubrey: So, are you my mom's boyfriend?
- Billy Chapel: I'm not sure.
- Heather Aubrey: But you've slept with her.”
Jena Malone - Heather Aubrey
Kevin Costner - Billy Chapel

“- Mrs. Porter: I'm a burden on you.
- Bill Porter: Well, now we're even.”
Helen Mirren - Mrs. Porter
William H. Macy - Bill Porter