“Note to self: making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.”
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

- Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: tonight, at the Pit, "everyone gets laid".
- James 'Droz' Andrews: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.

Megan Ward - Katy
Jeremy Piven - James 'Droz' Andrews

“- Nina Brewster: Do you know what it is when you trade sex for money?
- Jackie Truman: Advertising!”
Queen Latifah - Nina Brewster
Katie Holmes - Jackie Truman

“- George: Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.
- Jack Powell: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.”
Mario Yedidia - George
Robin Williams - Jack Powell

“- Samantha Swoboda: We better crash at your guys' place for a while in case they come after us.
- Miles Kitchen: Oh sure. 'Hi Mom, Dad. This fourteen-year-old girl, she's just sleeping over tonight. Don't mind me, I'll be upstairs, in my room, entering puberty!'. Are you nuts?”
Jessica Alba - Samantha Swaboda
Kenneth A. Brown - Miles Kitchen