“Rick, I want Debbie. You dump her and I'll give you cash. Ten thousand dollars, plus a G.E. toaster over, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart, Michelin tires, brand new, a set of Sears' best metric tools...”
Robert Prescott - Cole Whittier

“- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Oh. Uh, will you hold my wallet for me while I take the test, please? There's a thousand dollars in there... or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
- Test Monitor: Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test?
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What do you think?”
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume
Frank Oz - Test Monitor

“You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!”

Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
- Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.”

Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“- Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.
- Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.
- Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh