“Ugliest child I've ever seen!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Mr. Magoo

“You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.”

Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman

Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Val Kilmer - Chris Knight

“Why didn't you just kick him in the balls and tell him he has ugly children?”

Peter MacNicol - Marty

“- Dudley Frank: I'm looking forward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
- Woody Stevens: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.”
William H. Macy - Dudley Frank
John Travolta - Woody Stevens