“- Steve Nebraska: Al, you're like a dad to me.
- Al Percolo: But I'm not your dad. I'm just a guy taking 15 percent.
- Steve Nebraska: I thought it was 10.”
Brendan Fraser - Steve Nebraska
Albert Brooks - Al Percolo

“- Harriet M. Welsch: Are you gonna go be some other kid's nanny now?
- Ole Golly: And love them more than you? Never. Remember in my life, in this world, there will always only be one Harriet.”
Michelle Trachtenberg - Harriet M. Welsch
Rosie O'Donnell - Ole Golly

“If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.”
Ray Romano

“- Ed: So, uh, what kind of business are you in, Max?
- Max Burdett: I have a bunch of sweatshops in the Philippines.
- Ed: Oh.
- Sheila: Oh.
- Max Burdett: You should see those kids make those hats.”

Tom McGowan - Ed
Pierce Brosnan - Max Burdett
Kate Walsh - Sheila

“Storks don't deliver babies anymore! If anyone finds out about this, I am dead meat!”
Andy Samberg - Junior