“- Fletcher Reede: Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
- Samantha Cole: [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!
- Fletcher Reede: Your honor, I object!
- Judge Marshall Stevens: And why is that, Mr. Reede?
- Fletcher Reede: It's devastating to my case!”

Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede
Jennifer Tilly - Samantha Cole
Jason Bernard - Judge Marshall Stevens

“- Lila Dubois: You know what they say about cello players- they like to do it in a chair with their legs spread wide.
- Dylan Ramsey: Ma'am, we have a dog in our presence!”
Sophie Marceau - Lila Dubois
David Spade - Dylan Ramsey

“- Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
- Dewey Finn: Well, groupie is an important job.
- Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They sleep with the band!”
Miranda Cosgrove - Summer Hathaway
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Dirt Merchant: Unbelievable!
- Holly So Tightly: What is?
- Dirt Merchant: You've humped half of my record collection.”

Danny Masterson - Dirt Merchant
Jenna Jameson - Holly So Tightly

“I always said, if I had to fuck a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.”
Christian Slater - Clarence Worley