“- José Jalapeño: Purple bastard.
- Peanut: Mexican condiment.
- Jeff Dunham: A condiment?
- José Jalapeño: I do not use them.
- Peanut: You don't?
- José Jalapeño: And neither did your mother.”

Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño
Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Fred Domino: Who ordered 60 double Buster Burgers?
- Magneto Jones: That fat motherfucker right there. Them two giggling twin motherfuckers right there. And that skinny walnut headed right there ordered 72.”
Sandy Hackett - Fred Domino
Chip McAllister - Magneto Jones

“Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.”
Dennis Hopper - Deacon

“- Quincy McCall: I took the hoe to Burger King.
- Monica Wright: Cheap date.”
Omar Epps - Quincy McCall
Sanaa Lathan - Monica Wright

“- Silas P. Silas: You're an asshole.
- Dean Carl Cain: Did you just call me an asshole?
- Jamal King: No I said idiot.
- Dean Carl Cain: An idiot.
- Jeffery: No sir, no sir, I...
- Dean Carl Cain: What did you say?
- Jeffery: I said that this school has nice halls.”
Method Man - Silas P. Silas
Obba Babatundé - Dean Carl Cain
Redman - Jamal King
Justin Urich - Jeffrey