“Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.”
Max Greenfield - Schmidt

I'm gonna tell you what the old whore said, and this is the truest thing I know: "When you start cumming with the customers, it's time to quit".

William H. Macy - Tim Sullivan

“- Pacha: What happened?
- Old Man: Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove.
- Pacha: What?
- Old Man: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off. And the Emperor had me thrown out the window.”
John Goodman - Patcha
John Fiedler - Old Man

- Jan Wolfhouse: So what else do the Germans do?
- Great Gam Gam: They also practice by drinking the urine of a ram.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Because of the pH balance?
- Great Gam Gam: No... because if you can drink ram's piss, fuck, you can drink almost anything.
Paul Soter - Jan Wolfhouse
Cloris Leachman - Great Gam Gam

“- Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
- Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids! How long ago was that?”
Bebe Drake - Mother-in-Law
Martin Lawrence - Bobby Davis