“Laudanum is a derivative of opium. Apart from doctors and addicts, not many would be able to detect it. How long have you been chasing the dragon, Inspector?”
Sir Ian Holm - Sir William Gull

“- Lex: Just because she's a female gynecologist, doesn't mean she's a lesbian. And even if she was, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD.
- Trip: 'Shrooms!”
Giuseppe Andrews - Lex
James DeBello - Trip

“- Claire: How did you lose your license?
- Dr. Eugene Sands: I was operating on a patient and the patient died.
- Claire: Was it your fault?
- Dr. Eugene Sands: I was under the influence of narcotics and methamphetamines at the time, so yes, you could say it was my fault.”
Angelina Jolie - Claire
David Duchovny - Dr. Eugene Sands

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George