- Eddie: You realize your son got a D in English?
- Rae Jones: What's that got to do with him playing ball?
- Eddie: A lot, but your first question should have been, "Why did he get a D in English?". You need to start paying attention to him in school or you're going to be watching him in court instead of on the court.
Whoopi Goldberg - Eddie
Davenia McFadden - Rae Jones

“- Billy: Your mother is driving me mad, Kay!
- Kay: Pretend she's your mother and ignore her.”
Michael Ensign - Billy
Sally Field - Kay

“- Kate Rambeau: She's my friend.
- Miss Evelyn Togar: A friend that will lead you down the road to expulsion.
- Riff Randell: I'm a teenage lobotomy.”
Dey Young - Kate Rambeau
Mary Woronov - Miss Evelyn Togar
P.J. Soles - Riff Randell

“- Clown: Be careful. Don't hurt the little guy.
- Skinny: C'mon, elephants ain't got no feelings.”
Billy Bletcher - Clown
Malcolm Hutton - Skinny

“From now on, keep one eye on that candle, another eye on that one, and with the other eye watch me!”

Lou Costello - Ferdinand Jones