- Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.
- Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop". He "does his business".
Kirsten Dunst - Betsy Jobs
Ana Gasteyer - Rose Mary Woods

“We're goldfish people, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people.”

Charles Grodin - George Newton

“- Justin: I did not sign on to babysit Kyle's crazy dog.
- Ray: Kyle's gone so this dog is officially your dog.”
Josh Wiggins - Justin Wincott
Thomas Haden Church - Ray Wincott

“- Major: For someone who doesn't like people, how come you care about dogs so much?
- Batou: Don't know. I just like strays and they like me.
- Major: They like you because you feed them.
- Batou: You got no heart.”
Scarlett Johansson - Major
Pilou Asbæk - Batou

Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say "Yo quiero Taco Bell". Kay?

Marlon Wayans - Marcus Copeland