“For twenty years, I've been eatin' shit; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So now I'm changing the menu. From here on, everything I eat is gonna be shit-free.”
Randy Quaid - Sheriff Mike Collins

“- Peerless Pauline: You're the man I've been dreaming of!
- J. Cheever Loophole: What do you eat before you go to bed?”
Eve Arden - Peerless Pauline
Groucho Marx - J. Cheever Loophole

“- Mimi-Siku: In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.
- Michael Cromwell: In New York, New York, we eat with forks.”
Sam Huntington - Mimi-Siku
Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell

“- Buck Russell: How many times a day does the dog eat?
- Cindy Russell: How many times do you think?
- Buck Russell: I don't know, four or five.
- Cindy Russell: He eats once a day.”
John Candy - Buck Russell
Elaine Bromka - Cindy Russell

“- John Billings: I say we drink the wine, eat the dogs, and use the paper for musket wading.
- Reverend Oliver: [alarmed] Eat the dogs?
- Benjamin Martin: [going along with John Billings' joke] A dog is a fine meal.”
Leon Rippy - John Billings
Rene Auberjonois - Reverend Oliver
Mel Gibson - Benjamin Martin