“- Cop: You think someday you're gonna organize the cops?
- Jimmy Hoffa: Hey, that's easy. Someday I'm gonna organize the crooks.”
Nicholas Giordano - Cop
Jack Nicholson - James R. Hoffa

“- Angela: Why won't you? Because crime doesn't pay?
- Roy Waller: No, it does. It does! Just not very well.”

Alison Lohman - Angela
Nicolas Cage - Roy Waller

“A man must know the right occasion to indulge in tax evasion.”
Manning Redwood - Harry Weiss

“- Sherlock Holmes: This man pervades Europe like a plague, yet no one has heard of him. That's what puts him on the pinnacle in the records of crime.
- Doctor Watson: What's he do?
- Sherlock Holmes: Everything and nothing. In his whole diabolical career, the police have never been able to pin anything on him.”
Basil Rathbone - Sherlock Holmes
Nigel Bruce - Doctor Watson

“- MIB Customs Agent: Any fruit or vegetables?
- Serleena: Yeah, two heads of cabbage.”

Peter Spruyt - MIB Customs Agent
Lara Flynn Boyle - Serleena