“- Augustus 'Gus' McCrae: Oh, I had a job waitin' tables once. S' on a riverboat. I wasn't no older than Newt, there, but I hadda give it up.
- Newt Dobbs: How come?
- Augustus 'Gus' McCrae: Well I was, too young and pretty and the whores wouldn't let me alone.”
Robert Duvall - Augustus 'Gus' McCrae
Ricky Schroder - Newt Dobbs

“Bond. Jane Bond.”
Rupert Everett - George Downes

“All those pictures of Jesus all sweaty and bare-chested on the cross always made me kinda hot.”
Melissa George - Cleo Miller

When you're more mature, you do start telling the truth, in odd situations. "I'm sorry, I've broken a glass here. Is that expensive? I'll pay for it. I'm sorry". And you do that so that people in the room might go, "What a strong personality that person has. I like to have sex with people with strong personalities".
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“- Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
- Osmosis Jones: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
- Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.”
Brandy Norwood - Leah
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones