“- Lisa Provolone: I want Oscar.
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
- Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?”
Marisa Tomei - Lisa Provolone
Sylvester Stallone - Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone

“I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Daniel McMann: Are you ready? Cause I'm ready!
- Carla Tate: No Daniel, uh, I'm not ready.
- Daniel McMann: Ohh.
- Carla Tate: I was thinking we could wait 'til the next holiday cause holidays are special.
- Daniel McMann: Oh cause I feel special right now Carla.”
Giovanni Ribisi - Danny
Juliette Lewis - Carla

“- Jim Levenstein: What are you doing here?
- Stifler's Brother: Pussy, man. I'm here for the pussy.
- Jim Levenstein: Take a number.”
Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
Eli Marienthal - Stifler's Brother

“- Cara Burns: You don't have to worry because when it comes to sex, Marty is the one that wants to wait.
- Dan Burns: What part of that sentence is supposed to give me comfort?”
Britt Robertson - Cara
Steve Carrell - Dan