“- Charles Barkley: It was this girl, five-feet-nuthin'. Blocked my shot!
- Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?
- Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream, it really happened!”
Charles Barkley - Himself
Albert Hague - Psychiatrist

“New woman, same old shite.”
Kevin McKidd - Pvt. Cooper

“- Queen Constantina: So many beautiful girls! He'll meet someone tonight.
- King Maximillian: And if he doesn't?
- Queen Constantina: This ball will never end!”
Whoopi Goldberg - Queen Constantina
Victor Garber - King Maximillian

“- Lionel: Don't worry your majesties he'll meet someone tonight. I can feel it in my bones.
- Queen Constantina: You'll feel it in your bones if he doesn't.”
Jason Alexander - Lionel
Whoopi Goldberg - Queen Constantina

“- Beulah Blanton: Zack I have found the perfect woman for you! She's the most beautiful woman in town and she's available.
- Zack Blanton: Women die.”
Debbie Reynolds - Beulah Blanton
Sean Patrick Flanery - Zack Blanton