“I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes: my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.”
Paul Rudd - Brian Fantana

“- Roger Cobb: You'll have to do it.
- Edwina Cutwater: Do what?
- Roger Cobb: You know, take it out.
- Edwina Cutwater: Take what out?
- Roger Cobb: The little fireman.
- Edwina Cutwater: The little fireman?
- Roger Cobb: You know, my penis.”
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb
Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater

“- Carly: Can you help me find the bathroom?
- Scott: I think this is the bathroom.”

Emmanuelle Chriqui - Carly
Jeremy Sisto - Scott

“- Stan: There's been a P.I. at the shark pool.
- Jordan: P.I.?
- Stan: Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P..”
Jason Deveaux - Stan
Ben Easter - Jordan

“Sweet Lou cleans no man's poo.”
Joey Kern - Sweet Lou