“- Hedley Lamarr: Think of your secretary...
[the pen goes straight in]
- Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you. That's a good one.”

Mel Brooks - Hedley Lamarr
Mel Brooks - Governor William J. Le Petomane

“- Charlie Mackenzie: I just don't think it's a good idea to rush into spending the night together.
- Harriet Michaels: I wanna spend the night together.
- Charlie Mackenzie: I have no problem with that!”
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie
Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels

“- Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.
- Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.
- Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.”
Rock Hudson - Brad Allen
Doris Day - Jan Morrow

“- Carly Norris: You've been spending too much time with your vibrator.
- Judy Marks: I certainly have - I've been getting a plastic yeast infection!”
Sharon Stone - Carly Norris
Colleen Camp - Judy Marks

“- Keith Marks: I told you, I have to be on top. I have back problems.
- Rowena: Among other things.”
James Denton - Keith Marks
Gail O'Grady - Rowena