“You've heard the story of Jesse James of how he lived and died, if your still in need of something to read heres the story of Bonnie and Clyde.”

Faye Dunaway - Bonnie Parker

“- Peter Mitchell: The champ caught Smith with a savage left hook...
- Michael Kellam: What are you reading her?
- Peter Mitchell: It doesn't matter what I read, it's the tone you use. She doesn't understand the words anyway, now where were we?”

Tom Selleck - Peter Mitchell
Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam

“- Mame Dennis: Well, now, uh, read me all the words you don't understand.
- Patrick Dennis: Libido, inferiority complex, stinko, blotto, free love, bathtub gin, monkey glands, Karl Marx... is he one of the Marx Brothers?”
Rosalind Russell - Mame Dennis
Jan Handzlik - Patrick Dennis

“I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words.”
Jake Johnson - Nick Miller

“When I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like Chipotle. Wait a minute, is it Chip-o-tottle?”
Kristen Bell - Eleanor Shellstrop