“Porsche, it's a little too small to get laid in, but you get laid the minute you get out.”
Paul Bates - Robles

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“I think next week I'll be able to send more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty has promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.”

Frances E. Williams - Grandma Johnson

“I wanna make money, get laid every night. I wanna do it all right fucking now.”
Victor Rasuk - Tony

“- Scott Favor: I only have sex with a guy for money.
- Mike Waters: Yeah, I know.
- Scott Favor: Two guys can't love each other.
- Mike Waters: I don't know. I mean, for me, I could love someone even if I wasn't paid for it... I love you, and... you don't pay me.”
Keanu Reeves - Scott Favor
River Phoenix - Mike Waters