“- Samantha Swoboda: We better crash at your guys' place for a while in case they come after us.
- Miles Kitchen: Oh sure. 'Hi Mom, Dad. This fourteen-year-old girl, she's just sleeping over tonight. Don't mind me, I'll be upstairs, in my room, entering puberty!'. Are you nuts?”
Jessica Alba - Samantha Swaboda
Kenneth A. Brown - Miles Kitchen

“- George: Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.
- Jack Powell: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.”
Mario Yedidia - George
Robin Williams - Jack Powell

“I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.”
Pierce Brosnan - Julian Noble

“- Mr. Randy: Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?
- Julian Noble: Sounds delightful to me.”
Philip Baker Hall - Mr. Randy
Pierce Brosnan - Julian Noble

“- Principal Holmstead: How am I ever going to get through to you?
- Kelly Ernswiler: Well, advertising executives use status and sex to appeal to my demographic.”
Hattie Winston - Principal Holmstead
Shia LaBeouf - Kelly Ernswiler