“Porsche, it's a little too small to get laid in, but you get laid the minute you get out.”
Paul Bates - Robles

“- Seth Winnick: We agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
- Chelsea Turner: Hate sex.”
French Stewart - Seth Winnick
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Chelsea Turner

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“I think next week I'll be able to send more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty has promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.”

Frances E. Williams - Grandma Johnson

“I wanna make money, get laid every night. I wanna do it all right fucking now.”
Victor Rasuk - Tony