“We've got a brand new Japanese invention here, we call it pizza.”
Jim Metzler - William Porter

“- Harmony: Don't say that to her! There is too a Santa, and this is his magic sack!
- Lacy: If that's Santa's sack, why do you have it?”

Noelle Parker - Harmony
Phran Gauci - Lacy

“Santa's in the slammer! We gotta get him out! Is vagrancy a capital crime?”
Jim Varney - Ernest P. Worrell

“- Patch: Don't you believe in Santa Claus?
- B.Z.: Why should I? He never brought me anything.
- Patch: That's because you were probably a naughty boy.”
Dudley Moore - Patch
John Lithgow - B.Z.

“- Herb: There's a girl there who will do anything you want for fifty dollars an hour.
- Ed Okin: Like what?
- Herb: Anything! If you want she'll dress like Santa Claus!
- Ed Okin: Will she bring me a pony?”
Dan Aykroyd - Herb
Jeff Goldblum - Ed Okin