“- Tyler Durden: Why would anyone want this shit job?
- The Narrator: Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
- Tyler Durden: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.”

Brad Pitt - Tyler Durden
Edward Norton - The Narrator

“- Vilos Cohaagen: Richter, you know why I'm such a happy person?
- Richter: No, sir.
- Vilos Cohaagen: Because I have one of the greatest jobs in the solar system.”

Ronny Cox - Vilos Cohaagen
Michael Ironside - Richter

“- Maria: How many jobs did you have?
- Larry: I don't know. A lot. I change every two or three years. If it looks like I might be successful. I move on.
- Maria: You don't want to be successful?
- Larry: I want to be happy.”
Isabella Rossellini - Maria
Ted Danson - Larry

“- Wolf W. Wolf: What kind of work are we talking about?
- Nicky Flippers: You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.”
Patrick Warburton - Wolf W. Wolf
David Ogden Stiers - Nicky Flippers

“- Alex: So, ladies, I kind of need to use the televis...
- Grace: Shh! Go read your Playgirl or something!”
Allen Covert - Alex
Shirley Jones - Grace