“Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Y'know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Farmer Ted

“- Teenager: Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Why? Did you steal the car?
- Teenager: I sure did.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.”
David W. Harper - Teenager
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“I robbed a thief! How can you not see the humor in that?”

Danny DeVito - Max Fairbanks

“- Alice the Teller: Mary, what do I do when I'm being robbed?
- Eugene: You give us the money, that's what you do, beard face!”
Nancy Parsons - Alice the Teller
George Dzundza - Eugene

“- Sister Superior: You stole money because you want to get out of organized crime?
- Brian Hope: Oh, it was stolen already.”
Janet Suzman - Sister Superior
Eric Idle - Brian Hope