“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“A man hasn't any idea what his soul looks like until he gazes into the eyes for the woman that he's married to. And then, if he's any kind of decent human being, he spends the next couple of days throwing up. Because no honest man can stand that image.”
Danny DeVito - Phil Cooper

“- Roy O'Bannon: I'm so lost, Chon. Ninety percent of the time I don't even know what I'm doing out here in the West.
- Chon Wang: No, you're a good outlaw.
- Roy O'Bannon: Stop, please. I'm a screw-up.”
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang

“I will not apologize for who I am. I will not apologize for what I need. I will not apologize for what I want!”
Tom Cruise - Frank T.J. Mackey

- Des: Do yuppies even exist? No one says, "I am a yuppie", it's always the other guy who's a yuppie. I think for a group to exist, somebody has to admit to be part of it.
- Dan: Of course yuppies exist. Most people would say you two are prime specimens.
Chris Eigeman - Des
Matt Ross - Dan