“- Maria Portokalos: It's a cake! I know! Thank you! Thank you very, very much.
- Maria Portokalos: [whispering to Aunt Freida] There's a hole in this cake!”

Lainie Kazan - Maria Portokalos

“- Deputy Mayor Kevin Calhoun: You keep looking at that thing as if it weren't kosher.
- Abe Goodman: A cut of meat is kosher. A piece of fish, savory foods, and all kinds of dang things are kosher, but a probation report is not kosher. A probation report is merely a probation report.”
John Cusack - Deputy Mayor Kevin Calhoun
David Paymer - Abe Goodman

“There was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!”
Luke Wilson - Joe Bauers

“The cultural environment in which one lives ought to be as important as the air he breathes, the food he eats.”
Željko Ivanek - Mr. Cleary

“- Sara McDowel: What did you have in mind?
- Harris K. Telemacher: Well, I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A.
- Sara McDowel: That's the first fifteen minutes, then what?”
Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher