“- Anya: For God's sakes Andrew, you've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
- Andrew Wells: Entertaining and educating.
- Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?”
Emma Caulfield Ford - Anya
Tom Lenk - Andrew Wells

“- Megan: Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good.
- Graham: Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good.”
Natasha Lyonne - Megan
Clea DuVall - Graham

“- Gwen DeMarco: We shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logicalsense! Why is it here?
- Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the televisionshow.
- Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!”
Sigourney Weaver - Gwen DeMarco
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“Cheating on a quiz show? That's sort of like plagiarizing a comic strip.”
Paul Scofield - Mark Van Doren

“In what other business can a man my age walk out on stage, smoke a cigar, tell a few jokes, sing a few songs, and use the same color lipstick that Dolores del Rio uses?”
George Burns - Milt Lackey