“I have an enormous collection of vibrators, Father. I have them in all assorted sizes. I have one that's in the shape of a crucifix. My God it's gorgeous. Oh my God, I put it up and put pictures up on the wall of all kinds of things.”

Marla Pennington - Mary Beth McFadden

“- Alex: Dude, your bed is a car.
- Jeff: Yeah, but it’s a fucking sweet car!”
Allen Covert - Alex

“- Jeff: What's up Douche Bigalow?
- Alex: Hey Speed Racer. What'd you do, valet your bed?
- Jeff: No, but I'll self park it in your ass.”
Nick Swardson - Jeff

“- Mark: You see? It has no waves.
- Stevo: Why didn't you just get a normal bed... that has no waves?
[awkward silence]
- Mark: But this has no waves.”

Til Schweiger - Mark
Matthew Lillard - Stevo

“- Secretary Cleary: Are you okay in here?
- Jeremy Grey: I was just having a baddream.”

Christopher Walken - Secretary Cleary
Vince Vaughn - Jeremy Grey