“- Lady Customer: Really? Stomach cramps? But it's such a good buy.
- Paul Bland: Is lighter fluid at three ninety-five a pint but I wouldn't serve it to my dinner guests.”

Lynn Hobart - Lady Customer
Paul Bartel - Paul Bland

“- Frank Detorre: I feel a little fluey.
- Bob: You know what they say; starve a cold, drown the flu. Your body needs fluids now, lots of 'em.
- Frank Detorre: Is beer fluid?”
Bill Murray - Frank Detorre
Chris Elliott - Bob

“- Nellie Kelly: There's nothing like a darn good cry, is there?
- Michael Noonan: There's whiskey.”
Judy Garland - Nellie Kelly
Charles Winninger - Michael Noonan

“Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whisky. Whiskey is a slap on the back and champagne's heavey mist before my eyes.”
James Stewart - Macaulay Connor

“Interesting problem in chemistry: sweet wine always turns women sour.”
Sidney Toler - Charlie Chan